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| Cloudless Skies |
| 01.19.07 (9:20 am) [edit] |
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I'm going back...no matter what it takes...I'm going to get back. Even if no one wants to go with me...I'll make it out there..one of the last weeks of May...and I mean it this time
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| Slow Down |
| 11.10.06 (1:26 pm) [edit] |
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I'm adble to admit it... I don't even like myself
Where do I go from here?
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| There is no other way |
| 11.05.06 (2:14 pm) [edit] |
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You learn. A mistake is not intentional.
Going back only makes for akward mornings.
Cigarette butts and long silences.
I'm holding my head high
But aching for a shoulder to cry on.
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| I turned her around |
| 10.11.06 (8:51 pm) [edit] |
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I've never wished so hard...
I want to go back in time
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| Bursting |
| 10.10.06 (9:33 am) [edit] |
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So for the first time since I died did I think....maybe it was a mistake
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| Hope this passes |
| 10.08.06 (11:35 am) [edit] |
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I vowed to never write in here again, but apparently, i suck at holding true to my word. I'm fed up with life, mainly mine, not others. I don't like where I am in my life, but I'm not sure how to change it. I guess a part of me wants to go back to high school and change everything I did. I wish I had become closer with those that were my friends, and then maybe most of us would still be close. Someone told me once that the friends you make in college are the ones you have for the rest of your life, so I thought I was gonna die lonely considering I have no friends. My sister told me the other day that it isnt true, that she only talks to her friends from high school. That just makes me more scared for the future, considering I feel like an outcast when I see my friends from high school... I suppose I'm scared to grow up...scared that some of the choices I have made are going to backfire into my face. The one things that scares me the most is being alone, and if all i've been doing is setting myself up for loneliness, I don't want to go on. I feel like people make assumptions about me, and i really wish i felt like my own person, not just someone's girlfriend. When people just give me that title, its hard to be anything else.
i just want a friend, one that wants to hear my secrets, and one that wants to tell me their's. I just want a friend that will hang out with me all day even if we have nothing to do...someone who will laugh about stupid things with me...someone that will give the time of day...
is that too much to ask for?
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| Come Back and Haunt Me |
| 09.14.06 (5:45 pm) [edit] |
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May you rest in peace, free from all pain. You were the most caring and genuine person I have ever met. Your kindness is something I will cherish forever. I wish there were more people in the world like you.
Rest in peace Father Paul Wohlrab
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| Disconnect and Self destruct |
| 09.02.06 (9:02 am) [edit] |
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Let's just go back in time...
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| Inside a bubble |
| 07.31.06 (7:53 pm) [edit] |
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I'm as close to hate as you can get. One day shit will come back to you...and i hope you know far in advance that my sympathy will be just like yours...absent. I just hope mom's not the one who finds you dead in a pile of your own vomit you fucking bastard. and to think....one day i wanted you to walk me down the aisle
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| Unlock the door |
| 07.06.06 (8:57 am) [edit] |
I could really use a cigarette....
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| Burn it down |
| 06.17.06 (5:53 pm) [edit] |
I want to delete this stupid thing, but don't know how...
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| Passing headlights |
| 06.08.06 (8:11 am) [edit] |
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As much as being home sucks (parents always around, sleeping alone, no privacy, NEVER seeing my boyfriend...) it's kinda a nice relief. I get to see my momma which is nice, and as always, money is a plus. But don't get me wrong, I can't wait to go back to school.... Happy Birthday to my love!!! hope you have a beautiful day baby
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| 05.25.06 (9:19 am) [edit] |
Haven't even been working a week and it's already gotten to me.... I wish I could go back in time
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| Raining in Baltimore |
| 05.18.06 (10:22 pm) [edit] |
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I'm learning....life's much better when you're in love  i'm working on not being so difficult
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| Just wither away |
| 01.24.06 (2:15 pm) [edit] |
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Today I wont leave the walls i grew up in. I havent yet learned my manners and I don't know how to treat others with respect. Electric shocks might be handy today; maybe i'll get back on line. Today's suppose to be exciting, but I'm sitting here all day long. HAvent gotten dressed and the only makeup i'm wearing today is salted tears.
...I hate PMSing...i really do
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| Still you stare |
| 12.12.05 (7:11 pm) [edit] |
This is an open wound to the heart
and the blood is going to flow fresh.
I've cut myself before
and the pain was quite refreshing
Pick at the scabs til they bleed.
You were different than a cut
You were different than a bruise
You know what you were?
You are something that is too horrid for words...find me when you have the stomach
-or the brains
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| I'm gonna waste it all away |
| 12.09.05 (5:22 am) [edit] |
We fry our brains
Giggle til we run out of air
But then get "deep"
or at least as deep as we can see at the moment.
State we can write novels
and american masterpieces
But record the conversation?
and it sounds like disgrace.
Drive around town
Trudge through the slush and snow
He drives around the block
Everyone hurries with their cigarette.
This was supposed to be
Something with meaning
Something with soul
Something that could give back
Or maybe just please the eyes
But when you wake up hung over
Writing anything seems like a triumph.
-i tried doug.... :? but its pretty shitty
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| You only get one taste |
| 11.15.05 (7:39 am) [edit] |
Are we really that lucky?
Or do we sit around
Small exclusive circles
With discussions of our existance
What we were
What we are meant to be
Shall we change our future?
Or maybe correct our past.
Become all we can be
Keeping the parents proud.
As you become that top model
The heir to the throne of
All you could ever be
The rest of us...
We will watch the windows breath
We will watch the walls melt
And we will see the simple things
In a light you'll never know.
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| We're not running naked |
| 11.14.05 (12:35 pm) [edit] |
Do you remember those days,
Just as well as I do?
Read them like the palm of my hand.
We'd stay up late,
But would never need to sleep in.
Amazing how we'd seem to talk
About everything,
But at the same time
Nothing at all.
You were my favorite
And I had you to myself.
You had an extended vacation
But I can now promptly
Tell the world
I believe you have come back...
To Stay.
You are...
And will always be...
The shadow of my childhood.
~been thinking about you...but i doubt you'll read this.
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| Purple haze in the sky |
| 11.13.05 (11:46 am) [edit] |
Missed your special performance.
Was gonna meet you later,
But was uninvited. Instead...
I looked on from the distance,
A distance that was so close.
The night goes on
Your grip becomes tighter
Around the glass
While everything else loosens.
The night that should be a new episode
Seems to be stuck on repeat.
just been one of those days
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| Don't go away |
| 11.11.05 (11:48 am) [edit] |
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If I thought a picture of me crying for you would help, I'd send you a million
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| I want to hear the womanly sounds |
| 11.03.05 (6:44 am) [edit] |
I demolished you...
you trandescending whore.
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| and I still haven't said a word |
| 10.28.05 (4:20 am) [edit] |
I've decided to return this blog to what it used to be....the gateway for my writing. I'm not exactly sure who...if anyone reads this, but i'm gonna make it my standing ground for that which I'm proud of. For the sake of my own self-respect, if you really don't like anything, please, just please keep quiet. I put things in here that i'm proud of, and though it seems selfish, i'd rather not be constantly put down..
-here we go...
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| More than I can stand |
| 10.26.05 (5:58 am) [edit] |
Fraudulent
Miracles, Make Miracles Seem Shit
Rice paper princess, i guess too poor for flesh...fuck you
In the mist abover perfection
Rain on the parade
Me that's crowding daylight
and the hole inside the hood of a saint. (Fuck You)
And never the two shall meet
Said the tiger to its greatest fan
The amount of love you wish to give is more than I can stand
and now you leave me in defeat
leave me battered, broken man
The amount of love you wish to give is more than I can stand
Now I have you where I want you
I know that you are listening
This is my chance to tell you everything (Fuck You)
[u]my chance to tell you I love you[/u]
but I've waited too long
Now the record's over
Now the record's over (Fuck you again)
-beautiful...too bad I can't take credit
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| Thank you |
| 10.23.05 (4:56 pm) [edit] |
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reminder to myself: make sure you write in your journal before you forget...yeah, you'll remember when you see what you already wrote...i'm a dork, get over it
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You've got her in your pocket
And there's no way out now
Put it in the safe and lock it
'cause it's at home sweet home
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